Where's The Magnum P.I. Movie?
As we all know, it’s remake madness out there. I know that complaining about franchise reboots now is kind of like breathing, it’s just a reflex. Quite frankly, I’ve also been taught a lesson about decrying all remakes before I see them. Star Trek schooled me on that one, six times in the theater alone. Not to mention the fact that any movie or TV show that I could come up with for a good remake joke is actually being remade right now. (Except maybe, I don’t know…Becker?)But there’s one thing that I simply won’t stand by and watch butchered. I will not abide a reboot of Magnum P.I., whether it be for film or television.
I’ve heard rumblings of a Magnum movie for years now, and the rumors are always the same. No Tom Selleck. It was Nicolas Cage for a while, word on the street is Matthew McConaughey now has the rights. But there are unwritten rules here people. I know they don’t really count for much, because hey, it’s Hollywood. But still…
1.) You don’t reboot a series where the original cast is still willing, ready and able to do the movie. Unfortunately, not all the members of the original cast of Star Trek are still with us. And by us, I mean the living. So right there, it was out of the question. But with Magnum P.I., the gang's all here. So not only should they NOT recast it, they should stop wasting time letting it linger in development hell and make the movie while they still have the chance.
2.) Don’t make a joke out of it. That’s not to say that the movie can’t be funny. But let’s not give it the Ben Stiller, bad wig treatment. Just pick up with Magnum wherever you think he would be at this point in his life and go with it.
3.) It’s my theory anyway that the only TV shows that end up as funny parody movies are the ones that were bad in the first place. Magnum P.I. may be slightly stylistically dated, but it certainly wasn’t bad. There were some story development issues in the first season, but that’s pretty much true for the first season of any show. I loved the show.
4.) Don’t make the entire movie about age. Yes, Magnum would be older. But if we’ve learned anything from Harrison Ford, it’s that you’re never too old to get back into the action. (Even if you have nothing to work with from the script. *rimshot*)
5.) No new kid. No secret son of Magnum. No young pup needing to be trained in the ways of mystery-solving. Just let Magnum be the star. (Though I guess the last episode did set up a daughter scenario. She would be in her twenties now…pardon me while I prepare my headshot. Do you think it would help my odds if I grew a moustache?)
Here’s what "they" need to do. (I should give credit where credit is due here; a lot of this came from conversations with my screenwriting husband. Trust me, we’ve spent hours working this one over and wondering why it hasn’t been done.)
Pick up with Magnum in Hawaii now. He’s returned there after serving in the military again working for intelligence, and he's now re-retired . Higgins inherited the estate from Robin Masters, and has allowed Magnum to move back into the pool house upon retirement. Maybe Higgins has taken up writing like his old boss. Perhaps he has written a series of mysteries based not so loosely on Magnum’s life. But Magnum is bored after a being back in a life of action for so long. Every day he gets the paper and non-chalantly scans it to see what the haps is on the crime scene. But really, there’s not much to do. Naturally, he longs for the glory days.
Anyway, something big goes down on the island, Magnum is the only one who can help and the fun continues…
I’m just baffled that the suits are wasting all this time. They’re remaking EVERYTHING. Literally everything is getting a new chance at life, especially things that either a.) don’t need one (“Footloose”, “Fright Night”) or b.) don’t deserve one (“Melrose Place”, “90210”) That's not to mention the fact that so many remakes right now are straight from the 80's, G.I. Joe, etc.
But nobody is going to let Tom Selleck do a legitimate Magnum movie? Come on! It’s not right. It’s like the only way they know how to get things done anymore is to come up with all the worst ideas first and work from there until time runs out and the window of opportunity is closed forever. (Sorry, I'm extra cranky with the Hollywood machine right now considering what's going on with Conan O'Brien. I'm quite furious actually, studios don't know how to respect the talent anymore, but that's another blog...)
Possible directors? Jon Favreau, for his ability to mix action with comedy. But would he do it? Can’t say. Frank Oz handles quirky quite well, but again…not so sure he’d sign on. Ivan Reitman is familiar with the sensibilities of the originating time period. Anybody know if Ron Underwood is still available? David Gordon Green also has the chops to handle the action/comedy without making it a caricature that will look embarrassing in a decade or so. (Sorry “Rush Hour”, but you aged very very quickly…30 seconds or so after hitting theaters.)
My last suggestion would be Roger Young, who I had the pleasure of meeting when he taught for a year at Ball State University while Jake was doing his graduate work there. Young directed the Magnum pilot episode, a two-parter with a lot of cinematic qualities. He has since been quite succesful in film and television and I think he'd do a bang-up job.
Heck, at this point…I’d honestly settle for a TV movie if it was done by the right people. Not every movie has to be directed for wide audience appeal. Maybe they can just remake it directed toward the original fans and forget about the McDonalds happy meals and ticket sales. Maybe it would even be safer that way, less people to answer to and easier to stay true to the series.
Secure the original Magnum house. Film in Hawaii. While you’re there make friends with the LOST crew as they film their last season. Oh, I’m sorry. Did I forget to mention that this needs to happen ASAP? Because it does.
It could work. It could genuinely work. So whoever is responsible for the hold-up, knock it off! If I were rich, I’d back the movie myself and do whatever it took to get everybody signed, sealed, and delivered. If it's true that McConaughey has the rights, I'm going to start praying to God now (don't put it past me) that he backs the movie financially, but gets the original cast on board now. Hey, if he can get Surfer, Dude made, SURELY he can make this happen.
Until I win the lottery, I guess I’ll just have to keep waiting for a Magnum P.I. movie. But I'm not happy about it.