Conan Daydream

Jake and I were constructing a puzzle last night, and through some random turn of conversation we got to what it would be like if I tried to write for Conan O'Brien. (The puzzle? Yeah, people still do that. It's what happens when people who desperately need to feel a sense of accomplishment get bored.)

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about how I can add even more ridiculous aspirations to my portfolio of unrealistic dreams. Why stop at scriptwriting large adventure films that will likely never get made? Why not explore every facet of my deepest literary desires? That way I'll have even more to be justifiably bitter about when I'm old. So of course, I need to add writing for the Conan O'Brien show to my list.

I'd be the ultimate failure at writing for Conan for a plethora of reasons, but I will only acquaint you with a few. For one thing, my jokes would be too obscure. Obscure jokes are just a way for nerds to hide their insecurities, so they can have a reason to laugh at someone else for a change. As in, "What? You don't get it?" Point, laugh... And I don't think t.v. shows are going for the antagonistic vibe right now.

Last night, the only idea I could come up with for a Conan skit on the spot was about a man who uses pick up lines on women from Digital Underground songs. As in, "Hey fat girl, come here, are you ticklish?" And so on and so forth. That's right. A 20 year old joke. It took me my entire life to come up with that one. So obscurity and timeliness would definitely hinder me.
And they'd never let me on the show. I'd desperately try to claw my way onscreen, again, for the attention. But I'm rotten at impressions. For example, regarding the afformentioned 20 year old joke, my version of the lead singer of the Digital Underground sounds like the Sugar Smacks frog.

So maybe I don't have a future writing for Conan, but maybe by some miracle...I'll become more witty over the next few years and end up at Second City or the Groundlings...and then, maybe someday...

Because I may not be textbook funny now, but I AM always willing to make a fool of myself. And that's got to count for something.


Jake said...

I think if you got any wittier you'd be too witty for Second City and you'd have to start your own improv group. What would you call it? The Li'l Toes Troupe or maybe the Babe Revue... you see I'd have no business writing for Conan either. I still think you should try out for an improv group when we relocate. Do it!

Aron said...

I laughed my ass off more times than I could count because of you in high school.

Your blog and tweets make me laugh as well.

I think you have the talent to do whatever you want. And as for Conan...don't worry about him. He's so tall it's scary.


PS...I live like 20 minutes from Second City. I would come to EVERY show.

perrinjcat said...

You think a joke about digital underground is too old for a show that did "In The Year 2000" for several years AFTER the year 2000?